My Boys

I suppose it was inevitable that all this talk about having kids would eventually lead to talk of not having any. Any more, anyway. I have a conundrum for my boys out there who I know are reading. I’ve been researching vasectomies lately, meaning I’ve gone to Wikipedia (which has some links to things that made even me blush) and was shown to a link about the No-Scalpel Vasectomy, which had my complete attention. Now, to me No Scalpel means just that: no knife cutting on the parts I hold dear. But this site states “ … a fine pair of instruments is used to create an opening in the scrotum.” But what it doesn’t tell us is what they mean by “a fine pair of instruments.” In fact, I can’t find that anywhere and that, above all else, is what I would like to know. What I need to know. Is it nail clippers? An awl? Ballpoint pen? Or is it some sort of musical instrument, a trombone perhaps? Has anyone out there had one of these? And lived to tell about it? The other problem with that piece of information is that they call it “an opening.” Not a cut, not an incision. “Opening” conjures up images of a rip or tear to me.

Kristy and I have discussed it and we feel very fortunate with our four healthy kids and see no reason to push our luck. We couldn’t afford a fifth anyway, so it would have to be raised by C, living under his bed in his room, fed whatever C could scrounge from the dinner table. So I’ve been online, looking at information, and I found that Kristy will have to go with me to sign a form saying it’s okay for me to get a vasectomy. The list of things around this house that I am not allowed to do is staggering, and growing every day, so I would hope that the one area of my life where I have total and complete control would be over my very own scrotum. But apparently not. I have to get permission from the wife. Kristy will have to give her consent for an opening to be made in my bag by an unspecified instrument, something she’s threatened to do herself many times, yet here we are about to pay to have it done by a professional found on the internet.

If any of you know what the No-Scalpel method is all about then please share. Meanwhile, we’ll be making the appointments, signing off on the carnage and asking a lot of questions. Question number one: Can I bring my own fine instrument? Question number two: Can that instrument be a scalpel?

[The picture of JP up there has nothing whatsoever to do with a vasectomy, this is just how he was dressed when I got home from work and I like the picture.]