Wednesday, April 19, 2006


I found out yesterday that I may need back surgery. A lapinectomy, it's called. It's possible my lapin will be removed very soon. About six weeks ago I was waylaid by sciatica, which is a sharp, unbearable pain in the lower back that shoots down a leg. In this case it was my right leg and as a result my right calf and foot have been numb. The neurologist scheduled an MRI, which I'll have next week, and then we'll discuss surgery with a neurosurgeon. So it's not a done deal, the surgery. They have to see what the MRI says. However, in my usual fasion, I'm already banking on the worst-case scenario. Why wait?

The surgery worries me, not so much because it involves someone slicing into my back skin and then scraping around my spine. Permanent paralysis doesn't really worry me...yet. It's the recovery time that bothers me, the neurologist says it could be 7-10 days. I'm self-employed and this time away from work could have a negative effect on business, but even this isn't my greatest concern. No, what I'm worried about is that while I'm laid up in bed convalescing, that the kids will be touching my stuff. The Trio, in the style of most children, are filthy little creatures. I've seen their hands in dirt, on the dog and in various bodily orifices and I don't want them on certain items I hold dear. I also happen to be, mmm, how should we say it...'particular' (neurotic?) about things like my toothbrush. In fact, I have a special place in the bathroom for my toothbrush, out of reach of tiny little hands. I've seen how they treat their own toothbrushes and it makes me throw up a little. It's better all the way around if I know they can't get hold of what's going in my mouth. DVDs, too. I have certain DVDs that I want to remain watchable which means The Trio may not touch them. I've seen how they handle their own. They're carefull about taking them out of the player with only their little fingers in the center hole, but then they set them down, shiny side down, and either use them for a coaster after that or tap dance on them, it's hard to tell in the condition they're in.

So my worry is that if I'm bedridden with a healing back, then they will be allowed to run free and they will find my toothbrush and they will fling my DVDs with the care and abandon of a Frisbee, or before Kristy is able to bring me my meals to me in bed (this is the way I envision my convalescence) then they will be free to cough or sneeze or just get near my food before I can protect it.

This may seem selfish to some, keeping things away from my own children. But they are my things. It is my toothbrush and it's going into my mouth. Perhaps I'll make them a deal - they stay away from my toothbrush and my DVDs and my food and I'll let them play with my lapin, should I have it removed.