Bath Time

I've heard of things like parenting classes. I can't imagine they're worth whatever exorbitant fees are charged or however much time they take up. Teaching someone to be a parent would be like explaining brain surgery to someone as they stood in the operating theater for the first time, tidy white smock on, face mask, latex gloves and scalpel in hand. I would imagine the outcome would be about the same as parenting, too - digging in and seeing things you never thought you'd see, amazed at first by the miracle of it all, followed by an overwhelming wave of nausea, vomiting and possibly passing out.

I'm not sure about the entire parenting course, or how long it would have to be, but I'd like to audit the class when they teach you how to teach your kids to bathe. Or at least get my hands on that chapter of the textbook. The three older kids have been bathing on their own for some time now - for a long time together, though C has just recently begun taking his own bath or shower. Oh, and, we have one bathroom. You read that correctly, but in case you can't believe your eyes, I'll type it again: ONE BATHROOM. And five people are using it. I realize this is unheard of in this day of the average 2,500 square foot home and two and a half baths at the least, but here we are. So when bathtime rolls around every night (or other night), the surf seems to be up and you better have your snorkel on. I'm not real sure what's going on in there, but it looks like they've turned the place into some sort of water park. I went in this evening, after JP & S's bath, but while C was still in there, because I had to use the bathroom and, again, this is the one and only place to do that, so this is quite frequent in our house. There was water on the floor, on the vanity and wall, and some spray on the mirror. There were clothes scattered about, a pair of scissors on the floor, towels strewn here and there and toys. Oh, the toys. What was going on in there? Do I even want to know? What I do want to know is if they got clean doing it. I don't see how they couldn't. It would be like walking through a car wash and coming out the other end as dirty as you'd gone in.

It probably shouldn't surprise me, now deep into my eighth year as a father, as it did tonight, but sometimes I'm just caught completely off guard. I walk into the little bathroom and my socks are immediately soaked and I just look around in disbelief, thinking to myself, Where did this water come from? Is something leaking? Why is there a shoe in the sink? Where did all of these kids come from?

Such a simple task, bathing. All you need is soap and water, both of which should stay in the tub. It's not brain surgery. Maybe that class could at least teach me how to teach them to use a mop and sponge when they're done.